Amanda Farough is a web rock-star, currently peddling her wares in web design and development; in a previous incarnation, she was a bad-ass software developer. On her off hours, she designs (and plays) video games, writes novels that may never be published, and dances in the rain.
So, you need a website. You've been looking for that special someone to share your vision but no one seems to get
what you're after.
You've tried agencies: too expensive. You've tried craigslist: somewhat shady. Hell, you've even tried straight-up advertising: not enough results. No one gets you.
I get you.
We're probably destined to work together. My designs are clean and minimalist with a touch of whimsy. But hey,
I'm flexible. Let's sit down and have a coffee together to make your web design dreams come true.
Who can bring together a design and code it up as quick as a kid on a sugar high? Why, that'd be me!
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Amanda, you can't really consider yourself a designer and a developer, can you? I mean, that's splitting your time! Stick to what you're best at!"
I tell you, friends, I do have a specialty: finding creative solutions to your design and development qualms.
Maybe you're a designer who's fed up with the irritations of writing code. You just want to design. Or perhaps you're a dev that's looking for a designer. Let's be partners. In crime. In code and creativity.
Or maybe you're a creative professional looking to start your own business and you really don't want to shop around for just a designer and/or just a developer.
Specifically, I'm a generalist. If you're looking for a one-stop shop, I'm your woman. Let's talk happy, shiny solutions.
Note: This is a guest post by Anthony Licari, whose comments on Vive le revolution émotionnelprovided a man’s perspective on my proposed Emotional Revolution. He continues his thoughts here, at my prodding (and a little violet zombie chewing), and much to my delight. This is beautiful stuff, man.
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I’ve heard, as many of us have, that the male is a simple beast and through his simplicities he often fails to understand women. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. The only thing I’ve ever been confused about is that statement alone. Men and women are both simple creatures and what we have done is over complicated a situation so as to justify our actions, fears and desires to name only a few.
In the beginning God created man or some bullshit but regardless of how you think “man” arrived on this planet there is no escaping that we are not only a social species but a tribal one at that, from before the hominid to the most current version of our species. Thousands and thousands of years have shaped our biological derivatives and cultural imperatives. This lack of understanding between gender roles and innate sexual roles has caused quite a few discussions to head south in a hurry. As with all species, the need to reproduce and the need to protect the offspring runs so deep in our genetics that there is virtually nothing one can do to overcome this biological imperative. The problem that humans are facing today is a battle between our observed logical view of the world and what runs in our DNA.
It’s quite silly to think that I need to be the strongest man in the tribe in our current culture. With relative care and what have you the child will be in little to no danger where the man has to use his strength to protect the offspring and furthermore the offspring does not need to come from the strongest genes to increase its chances of survival. This we know, this we can rationalize. It is through our observations and interactions with the world that we create our perceived reality. So the reality the average man today has conjured up is how little of importance this is and we see this from a good portion of young males displaying confusion such as “I treat her so well but she goes for the jackass, I just don’t get it.” That reality both males and females perceive contradicts the world our bodies are expecting to be subjected to. Unless you’re planning on doing some serious meditation or brain washing you can plan on biology to win every single time.
The sad truth is that, with the exception of some very rare individuals, women are most fertile when they’re young and will put on their best show to attract the male with the highest status. If that male doesn’t go for her then she’ll go to the next one down the line and so on and so forth and this curve across the graph will abruptly come to an end right when her hormones start screaming at her to reproduce. She will have then found the best male that will mate with her within her window of fertility. Because a males genes transcend all age and a female has a much smaller time of attracting a man you will see much older men with women who are twenty years younger and rarely do you see a woman with a man who is twenty years younger. That’s why the nice guy does finish last because a woman can put him way down on her list knowing that he will always be there if all her other options fail.
So how does this play into why a man should still be an alpha male? Well the blame can’t be placed on any single sex. As a man(and most don’t consciously recognize this) the best way for them to have as many options as possible to mate is to compete with other males to assert dominance and invariably amass a level of security and consistency in whatever community he lives in. Men are, on a biological level only interested in a woman’s genes, her looks. For a female it’s not only strong genes that she seeks but that dominance and assertion within the tribe and it is through that which motivates the man. I hear a lot of feminist bullshit and I don’t mean that like “women shouldn’t do the same things a man does” or anything like that. What I’m talking about is what we were born to do. The fact of the matter is males in our species lead the tribe of apes to find food, shelter and security and in the contemporary world that biology still holds true where in 99% of cases you have alpha males leading organizations whether that be political, a corporation or a religious group. I’m not saying women can’t or shouldn’t, I’m explaining why that is. As for females they are far more adept at nurturing offspring and taking a mothering role and on the flipside that doesn’t mean men can’t or shouldn’t do that but in both cases the innate biology from the time we are born is driving us to do those things.
So I’m some dick that functions as a sociopath it seems but the reality is far from that. I’m a deep hopeless romantic. It is what I have desired from females since I was in second or third grade. I would write little love letters the night before school and then slip them into their backpacks where they would find them later on. My heart has been devastated beyond repair and yet I continue to seek. I encourage you to start corresponding with me and allow me to write letters that will make your heart turn to jelly.
To take that, which is the truth and apply it to this conversation is that a lot of women like that. They want a man to be in touch with his emotions and be able to communicate with her. The problem is that the majority of the time when that characteristic is found in a man it also brings with it a slew of undesirable biological traits. The man often has not yet asserted dominance over other men in her life or can provide the same level of security that other men can and to come full circle here that is why that guy as lovely as his personality is will stand lower on her picking ladder of men than a guy who can provide for her biologically but is uninteresting and may even treat her poorly.
The sad truth is that when my heart was destroyed it was for this very reason and for the most part has continued on until today. Imagine being inside of my head and seeing through to the biological root of our function and yet unable and unwilling to bring myself to comply when I know exactly what I need to do to get the women that I want. I’m a wreck in that sense and hell, if my novel ever gets published one can only dream that I’ll be able to continue my life as a hopeless romantic and simultaneously provide for her as well.
I had a conversation with my father back in December about the strength of woman. He told me that behind misogyny is fear: fear of the strength of woman; fear that women will stand up and put our stake in the sand; fear that everything they know about the world is completely wrong and backwards. My father — the man who taught me to be a warrior princess — was raised by a man who didn’t believe or acknowledge the power of woman. He thought himself to be better than women because he possessed the right chromosomes. As soon as my father was old enough to make up his own mind, he chose to bask in the strength of woman; specifically, the strength of his mother.
My grandfather had no daughters to temper his disposition. He had three sons.
When I was small, my father didn’t turn his back on me like so many fathers do when they have first-born daughters. Instead, he embraced his sassy daughter and taught me to think for myself. To be strong. To yield but never break. To stand my ground. He taught me the magic and beauty of logic. He showed me how to separate myself from my emotions to take better task of the situation. He told (and tells me) that he loves me.
As a teenager, my father and I clashed in every way. The women in our family — the Hoffmans — are outspoken, intense, and opinionated. I am tempered steel; I am all these things and more. Teenage Amanda was brash and irrational, ruled by a hormonal emotional response to every situation, regardless of its nature. I failed my first math test. I raged. I seethed. I cried. I threw the test in the garbage, instead of learning from my mistakes. I failed several more math tests as a consequence.
As a consequence of tunnels and responsibility, I tried to distance myself from my emotions. I tried to be cold and logical. No one taught me to be that way. No one told me, “Amanda, detach from your emotions. You are now required to attain the emotional discipline of a Vulcan.”
Aside: it’s not a violetminded post without a geek reference.
It didn’t work. It was too much work to go against my code. I needed my emotions to survive and cope and compute. I needed to attach myself to people because that’s what I do best. Heart met sleeve. Sleeve met defeat many times. Heart met other hearts. I was stronger for it. I was more complete with my connection the great macrocosm of the universe.
I’ve often described my love of people as my great tragedy.
I love everyone in this world, in spite (and sometimes because of) their many flaws. And yet, I am so disgusted by the atrocities of people that it makes me sick to be around them. I want to hate them for what they do to each other. But I can’t. I sincerely believe that I’m completely incapable of truly hating a person. I may be able to hate their behaviour but I cannot hate the person.
“People are inherently good. You’ve got to give them the benefit of the doubt.” My husband has drilled that into my head during the five years that we’ve been together. Everyone deserves a second chance. Everyone is worth it.
I’ve seen that we cut girls and control them and keep them illiterate. Or we make them feel bad about being too smart.We silence them. We make them feel guilty about being too smart. We get them to behave, to tone it down, to not be too intense. Eve Ensler
To behave is to show respect to the people around you. We can’t go around and be completely wild and out of control. Restraint is an intrinsic part of the social contract that we must acknowledge as we step out of our homes and tread the same sidewalk as the rest of the inhabitants of this world. Intense, on the other hand, is the only way I know how to be. Those that know me, know that everything I do is done with fierce conviction and an intensity that has a tendency to freak me out.
Be bold. Be intense. Don’t tone it down just because someone tells you that it’s inappropriate. Are you hurting anyone by the look in your eyes? Is your passion killing the people around you? If it is, then it’s time to put the knife down and pick up a paintbrush.
Boys are taught that emotions are wrong. That compassion clouds judgment and sound decision making. They grow into men that are cold and unfeeling, unaware of the fact that they are hurting on the inside. They become violent monsters to compensate, somehow thinking that this is strength and not weakness. They kill and hurt other people — usually women — because they have failed to acknowledge their vulnerability and tears.They teach their detachment to their daughters and wives because it’s the only thing they know.
The strongest men and women in the world are those that acknowledge their fears, tears, and emotional needs.
Value the girl in us. Value the part that cries. Value the part that’s emotional. Value the part that’s vulnerable.
Eve Ensler
My husband has embraced his Girl Self. My father is discovering his Girl Self. My mother and her capacity for goodness and forgiveness has never known any other way to be: she is the embodiment of Girl Self.
Let’s spread the word to every woman and man: your emotions make you strong. They allow you to see things humanely. They allow you to love fully and wholly and without fear. Your Girl Self is important. Your daughters need you to teach them that. Your sons need you to show them how. Your husbands and fathers and brothers need re-education. Your wives and mothers and sisters need to know that they are not crazy. They are whole and perfect in their capacity to love and forgive.
violetminded opened its eyes at the end of September 2009. I didn’t see much in the way of business until 2010 rolled around. Yesterday, I started to think about why that was.
I had a portfolio with some relatively decent pieces in it from my days in design school. I even included some sweet print designs I’d done up for April’s art show. I mean, I’m not screaming from the rooftops that I’m a genius but I’m certainly no neophyte.
“Dude, you’re doing it wrong” or How I Managed to Trip at the Starting Line
I did a number of things wrong right off the bat.
No blog. *gasp*
No rates had been set.
Not enough diversity to my portfolio.
violetminded had no real identity.
The blog was remedied easily enough, with a bit of elbow grease and decisiveness. I fail at loving my designs enough to keep them so I changed the look of violetminded five times before deciding on this incarnation. I need to exercise restraint in order to not run and change it again in February.
It was the setting of the rates that was the doozy.
You’d think that setting yourself up to start bringing in cash flow is easy and maybe even enjoyable. In actuality, it’s like listening to 80s pop and being forced to drink bad vodka. I avoided it as long as humanly possible. I’m adverse to 80s pop and bad vodka, you see.
And so, violetminded sat around until the middle of October when I approached Kelly on Facebook (no secret here, I’m madly in love with Kelly & Cleavage, even though I’m married… shh… don’t tell Mike). My first step was to work with her, brand her website anew, and design her a fancy new blog. It wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops but we had a beautiful product at the end of it.
When 2010 rolled around, I took it as the kick-in-the-ass that I required. It was time to buckle down, stop being just a freelancer, and start being a business. The buckle down required me to stop being such a pansy about rates. And then I realized what was keeping me from moving forward.
Rates & Confidence: BFFs in the worst way.
I confess.
Until recently, I had very little confidence in my own abilities. I’d spend countless hours perusing my favouritedesignwebsites and smack my head against the wall while muttering, “Why couldn’t I think of that first? ACK! Does this make me a sub-par designer? Maybe I am just a talentless hack.”
Whoa. Wait. Back up. Did I just think that out loud? Also, I didn’t actually hit my head against the wall. That would be potentially killing brain cells that I may need at some point. But I definitely have felt like it.
How can I possibly justify charging market value rates if I have no confidence in my own abilities? How can I market myself if I wasn’t entirely sure I would be interested in hiring me? More head-butting the walls in my head. More trembling before the mighty business model that I hadn’t really thought of.
Time to get a real job?
Hell. No.
Designing and coding Cleavage had opened my eyes: people actually loved what I could do. The site was all Kelly. It was a minimalistic beauty that came out of me; not out of one of my fellow designers. Just me. And Kelly. And a sexy design brief. We made sweet, sweet web design all night (and day) long.
Hot.
With my confidence boosted (thank you), I could see straight. Walls crumbled. Shoulders squared. Chin raised. Bring it.
… now what?
Rates. Oh snap. Almost forgot.
The rates. They gnawed on my brain, like wild Violet Zombies. The problem hadn’t gone away. It had only managed to seem like it had gone away. Sneaky.
At the beginning of the month, the business started rolling. I put away my confidence issues and started my research.
At first, I was astounded! I couldn’t afford to pay another designer $1800+ so how the hell did I expect people to want to pay me that kind of scratch for my services?
Everybody wants a killer design, especially after seeing one that they lust over. Problem is, nobody wants to pay for it.
It’s a terrifying question. It almost made me want to give it all up for a “cushy” dev position at the company Mike works at (we make an awesome dev team, let me tell you).
Almost.
Company. Individual. Parity Shift!
Based on my experience, I have reason to believe that about 90% of you who just saw my prices thought, “Gosh, that’s awfully expensive!”
Well, you’re right, but actually, you’re wrong too.
You’re right because $1800 is a decent chunk of change – for an individual. You’re wrong because companies throw this kind of bread around all the time. They do so because they understand that crafting a brand holds a value that is oftentimes hard to measure in dollars and cents alone. On top of that, companies typically have a monetary objective behind the launch of a new design, so to them, there’s a foreseeable payoff.
I sucked it up. I set my rates and then told my new clients that we should work together to make sure they won’t have to donate their liver to the black market in order to pay me. I’m under the impression that the liver is, y’know, important. So don’t let me bankrupt you or your growing business.
I just want to design for you.
Why? Because I love it.
It gives me warm, happy feelings of rainbows and lollipops and Alistair/Dragon Age. <3
